When school started back up in September of '98 I started to...not feel the same I had to Erin. So I told her.

Told her I needed space to thing about her, college and other assorted shit. And think I did. I didn't really go out or do anything else. Just thought about her and tried to get my applications done for college.

And after about a month I finally realized that...I still loved and wanted her. So I told her this..and during the month yes I still did talk to her daily and such. I just wasn't all lovey-dovey with her. After telling her things went back to normal for awhile more..at least 5 months or so.

And during this 5 month period we hit upon our 1 year anniversary. And what a day it was...sex, flowers, more sex, and uh..some just nice cuddling. Was a goodly day for all involved.

Then things started to get worse...and when the shit hit the fan it sure as hell hit hard.

Come valentines day '99 I had been noticing that Erin was acting somewhat weird. Like she wasn't talking to me as much and when we did talk she seemed distracted. I didn't know what to think but I had a gut feeling it sure as hell wasn't good. So I didn't get her anything for Valentine's Day..and boy am I glad I didn't.

The friday before valtentines day, a freshman fool in my speech class asks me if Erin and I were still dating

"Uh..ya..why ya ask?"

"Oh..just cause I heard she was dating Brandon."

"Huh..what the fuck..uh..no."

"Oh..ok nevermind then."

Of course this helped that little seed in my mind grow a bit more. So I talked to Erin after speech class and asked her if she wanted to do something that night. And unusually she said no. Normally we spend Friday nights driving around or just watchin a movie. She says she's going to Pam and Allison's house to sleep over.

Ok I can deal with that...it's normal for her to go there, she did it lots.

So I finish off the day and my stomach feels like utter shit on a stick. Somethings not right I just know it. So finally I call Erin up saturday night.

"Erin what's up..do you not want to be with me anymore. What?"

"...I don't know Matt I just...don't feel the same anymore. I need some space..some time away to see how I feel."

Needless to say I was pissed cause she hadn't decided to tell me this until the day before fucking Valentines day.

"Why in the hell didn't you tell me this earlier? Wha..were you going to wait until Valentines day to tell it to me or what?"

"..No. No! I was going to tell you."

"When? you didn't tell me Friday and you didn't tell me today so what. You got Valentines day left or the day after Valentines day. Why couldn't you have just told me earlier?"

"I- I...I dunno, I just couldn't."

"*sigh*...fine..you need your space I can take that but goddamnit did you pick a shitty time to tell it to me."

"I'm sorry..I didn't mean to.."

"whatever..."

So I spent my Valentines day pissed as hell and wanting to bash shit in. But oh this wasn't going to end..oh no it only got better.

The 15th I get a call from Erin. Sounding super peppy and happy. I figure she's decided to get back with me.

Boy was I wrong.

She calls and says idle chit-chat until about 5 minutes into the conversation when she asks.

"So did you meet any chicks this weekend?"

"...uh..no."

"Oh..ok.."

I pass it off as nothing more than just a dumb ass question. (Erin never was how shall I say...the smartest fish in the barrel)

So we continue doing idle talk for another 5 mintues then she asks me again if I met anyone.

"Uh..no. I didn't meet anyone cause I sat here all weekend pissed as hell. *pause* Did you meet guys this weekend?"

"Yup!"

By now I'm even more pissed.

"What the hell! When?"

"Well Friday night I chilled with Mark, then he came over on Sunday and I just got back from his house a few minutes ago."

"What the fuck! You said you were going to Pam and Allison's house friday night."

"I did."

"But you neglected to tell me Mark was coming over...why?"

"I thought it would hurt you..."

"What the fuck..then why in the world did you just fucking tell me he did?"

"...I dunno?"

"Jesus christ..what the fuck did you do with him all weekend?"

"Stuff? I dunno..we went to the movies and some other shit."

Good lord was I pissed..I damn near kicked a hole in my wall. So she continues talking about Mark like he's the best thing since sliced bread. Then she starts laughing. I ask her why? She says it'll hurt me.

"Like you haven't done that already? Just tell."

She hem's and haw's for a few minutes then finally does.

"His dicks' bigger than yours."

Now I really almost fucking lost it. I swear to god I thought I was going to rip my fucking door out of the wall.

"What the FUCK! You saw his fucking DICK! What the fuck were you doing?! Jesus christ!! You sit here and call em up..for what? The whole purpose to brag to me. Jesus fucking christ what the fuck is wrong with you!"

"....."

"Goddamnit I can't beleived you'd pull something like this. This is just fucking low..it's like kiciking a guy in the nuts after he's already got his teeth bashed in."

I seriously could not believe this was happen. As I talked to her I could feel my heart being ripped out..stomped on, shoved in the shredder and having the pieces left over dumped into an incenerator. I had never felt so bad since I learned of my friend killing himself.

I kept being a rage on teh phone for a good half an hour. Finally I just got too pissed off and hung up on her. I couldn't take it anymore..talking to her hurt too goddamn much.

Oh some might say I'd be a smart man and run off with my pride at this point..but oh no..love makes you do stupid ass things.

]:-scud-:[