Hell's no.

I turned and walked right back into the fire.

I didn't talk to Erin for a good month...if I saw her I acted like she wasn't there. I just couldn't sit there and talk to her..not after what she did to me.

But I couldn't keep up with that for long. Soon I was wondering what she was doing. Where she was..basically I had to see her again.

And luck shown on me for once..or so I thought then. Erin called me up wanting to see me again.

So I drove over to her house, nervous as hell, unsure of what to feel; angry still, or indeffirent.

As I walk into her house I....I didn't know what to do. I just stared at her. Her red hair, her nose..everything. Nodding every so often..and yes I don't really know what she said then. But I remember she said something to the effect of how stupid she was for the Valentines day escapade and that she wanted to get back with me.

Finally I snapped out of it and told her I wasn't sure. Becuase I wasn't...when inside I knew I wanted to get back with her..I loved her too much to just stop loving her.

So within a day or two I called her up and told her that I wanted to get back together.

And my 'universe' was complete again.

But not for long.

We kept the relationship up for another month and a half or so. Acting like nothing had happened.

Though all my friends knew because after the Valentines day thing I had been a ball of raging fury. And everyone knew it..then when I got back with her they were like "What the hell are you doing?" What could I tell them. That I had no idea and my heart was doing it all? I think not..so I told'm nothing.

Then everything came crashing down again.

I kept hearing rumors of her cheating on me. Not with just one person..every time someone new. And from people who had never lied to me before. I tried not to believe 'em but..that seed was back planted in my head.

And slowly but surely in the following days and weeks I began to notice more and more 'odd' things with Erin. I took it for 2 weeks max I think. Then finally I couldn't take it anymore.

I never slept, I could barely eat. My school work was going down the tubes right when I needed it to not.

So I had to end it. I told her I couldn't take it anymore..couldn't take all the pain and agony that I was getting..the stress from her cutting herself (read about that here)..it was just too much and I had more pressing things to focus on.

God did it hurt to tell her that.

Even as I was telling it to her I knew..I knew I still loved her with my whole being.

I didn't think the hurting would ever stop..I felt then as I had felt when my friend committed suicide. Something I thought I'd never feel so soon. And something to this day I'd like to live the rest of my life never feeling like it.

So stories over right? Wrong..things still manage to get worse.

]:-scud-:[

I forgot to put in something integral to the whole story..read about it here