I'm sitting here writing this after watching "High Fidelity" with my sister [who just came home btw], anyways as some of you know it's about John Cusak's character going through his top 5 break up's of all time and finally realizing the woman he just broke up with, is the one, that one who makes him happy day in and day out. Sure there are times when he's not happy, and looks to those 'fantasy' women and thinks they'd be so great, but what he doesn't see [at least in the beginning] is the fact that they're really not that great, they only seem that way because he's yet to know them fully.And I feel like him somewhat..or at least...upon seeing it I thought of her, and...I may be writing like I think it's over. But I don't really..because I've yet to talk to her fully but some of the problem is that when I have seen her recently she hasn't talked..hasn't said yea or nay in either way...which tears at me even more..because when someone doesn't say anything I immeditly think the worst. Mainly because of so many times I've been fucked over in the past..but I don't want to think that..because...I just feel something, something extra here that's yet to be fully explored, yet to be seen for real. And I mean..I know she's busy, and I know that's why we haven't talked lately really..and I understand her starting off college and whanot..I...dunno..it's hard to explain..I guess this afternoon I was really expecting some sort of reaction..and when I didn't get one either way it startled me..
Now for my tribute to Rob Garner [the main guy in 'High Fidelity']
Top 5 things I'd miss about Jess if I didn't go out and see her.
1] Her touch, something I've wanted for so long.
2] Her smile, something I've seen...yet not experienced in full..
3] Her laugh. Something I've wondered about numerous times...
4] Her scent. I've again gotten a mere sampling of this..and it's...intoxicating. I don't know about other guys/men but to me..a womans scent is...amazing in ways I can't describe.
5] Her. Need not explain.
Last night as I was going to sleep I thought about the pro's and con's of going out to see her. And the one thought that kept coming up into my head was that I'd finally be able to just hold her hand. Walk around wherever and jsut hold it, cradle it under my arm and keep her close to me, something I....have wanted to do, but couldn't because of obvious distances..and now i have the chance..and sure I may be broke. But it's something I think needs to happen...I love her..and because of that simple fact I'm willing to do damned near anything to keep her.
]:-scud-:[
