Lately I just feel like I've fucked a lot of things up and that's why I'm currently unemployed, with a useless degree and no one around to well, do anything with. Yes there's Ian, but I've known him forever and basically he's in a position where he doesn't have to work, doesn't need anything and that's fine with him. I however don't want that. I want to do something, and that something sure as hell isn't wait tables.

I guess basically this is my fucking wake-up call that I need to get my ass back in school and finish getting some sort of a degree simply so I can get a normal job.

And I hate this fucking feeling, that I've wasted everything. Wasted going to MICA, wasted my time at NOVA and then wasted what I had in Denver. I found out recently that a friend I knew in HS has been working as an illustrator for some childrens book. What's funny about that is the kid didn't do any sort of art in HS and only realized it about 4 months before we graduated after seeing some of my drawings. So here the kid didn't really have any desire until late, and somehow is finding work doing it. It literally almost blew my mind.

Since I'm bitching I might as well bitch about the fact that for whatever reason wherever I work people will like me sure. But then it's a repeat of what happened when I was younger, unless I call someone up and try to find something to do. No one will call me up. In the few weeks since I've been gone, not a soul has rang me up asking if I wanted to go out with them.

Damnit I hate when I wander around to journalies who have these sort of entries up. Because then the person just comes off as a whiny little fuck who can't get their shit together. Well I guess that's me. And I fucking know that even though I feel this way right now, for whatever reason I'll get distracted with something and focus on it. Maybe I've got ADD of some sort because honestly, I'll get all into one thing for a while, but then totally change directions at the drop of a feather.

Maybe that's why I was trying to focus on Leslie and make something happen. Because maybe I was hoping that if it did happen she could help me focus my attention and get shit done. Guess I'll do it on my own.