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Wow, what a change @ ]:-9.27.00-:[
The more things change..aww who'm I kidding, the more they stinking change.

Yesterday has to be one of the more weirder days I've had in a long time. Because of well..Jess. I woke up somewhat worried, as we had talked the night before and things seemed like they were settled..but not totally. So I was wondering how she'd be whenever I did finally talk to her.

Well I managed to get ahold of her around umm..2 or so. And things are bad, I mean, really, really really bad. I was sitting here breaking down at some of the things she was saying and well..almost accusing me of. I..was stunned and shocked. Finally I was to the point of like "Jess, call me now. I need to express some things to you that I can't even begin to do here." So she did call me up..but..nothing really got settled there. I tried explaining to her my thoughts/ideas/wishes and whatnot but..I dunno..I didn't think anything big had happened.

So I spend the rest of the day freaking out over it. I..I got so scared, I really and honestly thought I was going to lose her. Because this felt like one of those last-stand things, where everything falls thru and you never make it back to being 'together'. I, was so confused, and lost as to how this could suddenly happen, I mean a month ago she was Jess, the woman I fell in love with..and now suddenly, she..I don't know..seemed different.

So then I see her come on later that same night. And we talk for a bit and finally she's like "Can I call you now?" of course I reply with a yes. [Also note she had promised earlier to call me back later that night, so it wasn't totally random]. so she calls me back, and almost instantly I can tell she's well back to 'normal'. She's giggling over all sorts of things we used to joke about before, and is just generally all happy. And I tell her over and over that I was stunned, because earlier in the day she was so radically different and now..she's not. I asked her what she did, or what happened to make her this way [Wanting to remember it again incase this ever happens in the future.] And she said that basically she had given herself a pep-talk and a mental slap in the face and that had 'fixed' her mood. And the fog of doubt and whatnot had lifted. Well..god was I happy to say the least. And like I told her, I have no idea really what happened, but I'll take my breaks where I can get 'em.

And well..we had one of the best conversations in a long-long time. I was so happy, and well..just..happy, because we weren't going to end and all that..so needless to say I slept like a baby for the first time in almost a week.

Jess, I love you.

]:-scud-:[

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