Lemme see just why it was so odd..

• First off I got into somewhat of an argument/discussion with Jess on a few things..some of them good..but unfornatetly most of them bad. And we didn't really settle anything before I was forced to goto work.

• So I went to work in a not so good mood. Work was slow, but I wanted to go home early because I kept smelling something funky in Betty's engine. Like something was burning..but I didn't.

• Then my friend of many, many years showed up out of the blue. And she ended up going out on a run with me and we sort of talked about a bunch of things. Then right as we got back to the store parking lot, her friend called her up and so she went off to watch a movie at her house with the intent of coming back later on in the night.

• The rest of the night went around allright, made a few runs and whatnot. Then as I'm counting up my money..I see someone gave me a 50 dollar bill instead of a 20, but I never noticed..so. I made $92 bucks in tips last night, new record for me..

• And as I'm getting ready to leave my friend shows back up and we end up getting a guy from work to buy us a case of corona's and go back to her place to drink them and watch some TV.

• In the process of watching TV we got to talking about all sorts of things, like the dumbest things we've both done and whatnot. And well...she made mention how during the middle of the summer we hadn't talked at all and things sort of fizzled between us whereas before we were really good friends. And I told her why I did that, because I thought she would only come around, or talk to me, whenever she wanted something. And she sat there for a moment..then gave me this big hug..needless to say I was shocked. I asked her what that was for and she told me that she was sorry...sorry that I thought that about her. And she sat there crying almost..and I was...sad that she was

  "..Why're you crying..what's the matter?"

  "..because right now I really want to kiss you.."

  "....I'd..like that..but.."

  "..I can't.."

  "..I know.."

  And nothing else happened..we just talked. And talked some more..I finally told her of how I had liked her for many a year..and never had anything come of it. So I kept to the position of being Mr.Best-Guy-Friend. And then she told me something suprising. She said that when I was dating Erin she had liked me, a lot, but because I was with Erin she didn't want to break us up. God, I only wonder what would've happened if she had broken us up..might've saved me a lot of heartache. But she didn't...and I never knew...but now. She's seeing someone..and so am I..well maybe not 'seeing' in the physical sense..but I am connected to someone else. And..I mean..gah while I was talking to my friend I just kept thinking/wondering..I mean..what if? But then again, I have Jess now...it's like...I want to know what might happen with my friend..but this feeling of wanting to be with Jess just overrides that feeling.

• And then I went home..throughly confused and somewhat buzzed. But I ended up calling Jess and talking to her for..I'm not sure exactly, and I told her what happened with my friend. And then..I think I fell asleep..I'm not sure, I know I called her at around 1 or so..but then suddenly I remember looking up and it was like 5 am. So there's abourt 3 hours in there I can't account for..

So that's why yesterday as a whole, was really, really, really fucking weird. And I'm still sort of trying to recover from it now..that and I was finally able to get rid of the headache I had this morning..

And I was retelling this story to a friend earlier..and he knows most of the back history and whatnot. And he said that I had forgotten about both Erin and my friend because of Jess..and that lately I've been sap-happy..which I have. So..as much as I wonder about things between myself and my friend I really don't think I'll try to persue them because I think what I've got with Jess, while not physical, is more than what I might have with my friend...and the possiblities with Jess are so..immense..I have to keep going with what my heart's telling me..to stay with the person who's made me forget about so many 'bad' things in my life and has brought me so many good things and so much love. Jess.

]:-scud-:[