But I had to keep going. Had to fill out college crap and pick one. I finally managed to pick MICA because I figured. I like art..why not go to an art school.

Maybe it was because of her, maybe not, but that was the wrong decision on my part. But that's not relevant to this story so I'll continue.

So the year goes on and I of course can't date anyone else...it's just...too hard. So I didn't.

Though Erin did.

And that's when I got crushed again.

Slowly but surely I began to talk to Erin some more, a few phone calls, a few chats in the hall. Nothing more.

Then one day she drops bomb number too. She's dating Fat Matt. And again my world gets stomped on.

Some background on Fat Matt.

I knew him since his freshman year, he's a fellow Bass player in the orchestra and he was cool for a bit. He was into ska so I was happy that I had a fellow ska-fan. But things soon turned as I found out who he really was. A pot head and a womanizer. All he did was smoke up and try'n get some from chicks. But when I call him Fat Matt it cause he was..he was...huge no way about it. At least 300 lb maybe more. So he's a huge fat guy..of course he doesn't get too many women. As soon as I found out who he was I couldn't stand him and never talked to him if I could avoid it and if I had to talk to him it was in single syllable words.

So during Sophmore year I dated a girl for about 7 months. During that time Matt kept telling me how good looking she was, which of course I already knew since I was dating her. And didn't think anythign of it. Then almost 3 days after I break up with Jessie, Matt starts dating her, I'm thiking "What the hell this guy likes to pick up my leftovers?"

But whatever Jessie looked happy so all the more power to her, just a weird concidence I guess. Then I come to hear of Matt cheating on her with some other chicks and just general bad, bad stuff. Which of course drives me nuts because I can't stand to see anyone I know and/or care about in the least, hurt. I try to tell Jessie but to no avail, so whatever I tried.

Now Fat Matt and Jessie were dating for longer than Erin and I. Almost a year and a half. Then suddenly..right when Me and Erin goes south Matt's broken up with Jessie. Suprising since everything seemed lovey-dovey with those two and Fat Matt kept telling me how good things were. And suddenly there weren't..oh well.

So that's the background info on Fat Matt. I despise him, consider him to be the Anti-Matt and that he's a general waste of space.

Then Erin tells me she's seeing him.

I sat there on the phone and could almost feel my heart drop into my stomach. I..it was like getting kicked in the nuts all over again.

I tried to keep my composure and not blow up on the phone with a

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?!"

Oh no..instead I said the same damn thing calmly.

"I like him he's nice."

"What the fuck he's nice?! You and I both know why he's nice!"

And she did..all during the time we were dating she had told me over and over how she thought he was so dirty. How she despised the fact that he cheated on Jessie behind her back. And yet...now she's dating him.

"What the fuck? Do you not remember what you told me so many times about him?"

"That was before I knew the real him."

"What the fuck that was the real him. What you saw was him without his fucking act."

This went on for a bit...me feeling worse and worse. When I finally got off the phone with her I thought I was going to puke, but nope I wasn't lucky enough to just get that shitty feeling out of my system.

And I knew..I knew because of the feelngs I was getting from her telling me about Fat Matt I still loved her. Even after all the shit she did to me, and all the crap that got dumped on me from her I still did.

But it didn't matter in the end..