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"clueless, and i hate it" @ 03.27.03
so yesterday was the big 22, and how was it?

i'm not gooing to lie. it wasn't fun, even the concert didn't really pick me up. mostly because it was full of little fucking kids who were trying to out-emo each other by wearing some more underground band's t-shirt. christ i wanted to punch the lot of them. that and before hand i had gone to work to get some food [and got it for free] but as a consequence by the time i got to the club i really had to go to the bathroom and almost didn't think i'd make it. i mean christ how terrible would that have been to piss your pants on your birthday? i would've just gone home and given up on the entire day if that happened.

and then...i have no idea what's going on with sara and i. for some reason thing have gone sour and now it's almost impossible to talk to each other, and it boggles my mind. i made myself basically sick to my stomach yesterday and i think i'm steadily approaching that again today, and i have to work in a few hours.

i just, don't know what to do. i try to talk to her about it, and things just stall and quickly die out without leading to anything. so...i don't know what to do, and it's killing me. because i hate not talking to her, and i hate feeling like us talking has become a chore, cause if that's the case what the flying hell is going to happen when i go out there?

but on the other hand, i know we'll get over this, it's just a matter of time. but for the moment, it really fucking sucks. i'm just..clueless, and i hate it.

scud

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