i'm not sure if i should write this here, but damnit this is my own diary, and i started the whole thing to write out what i'm feeling..but haven't recently for fear of hurting someone who is still very dear to me.but more and more recently i've been finding myself starting to get interesting in a girl. and on one side i'm all excited, cause you always get that feeling of a new girl when anything is possible. but on the other side i'm sort of well..scared. because i cared about jess for so long, and i still do. but i also thought that i had made it clear not too long ago that i couldn't well take all of this, the distance, the not seeing, and couple with school/work i just knew i couldn't keep doing it.
i don't know. maybe a lot of people are going to get mad at me, maybe no one gives a shit. since i don't know i don't really care in all honesty. i mean i know i still really do care about jess, and will for well..probably ever. but i do need to move on, although i have no idea if this girl will pan into anything it's the first time in over a year i've even thought about some other girl semi-seriously besides jess and it feels odd.
i know this has been a big ass long ramble, but for most people it's not directed at them, it's mainly directed at one person who i can't get ahold of now. she might yell at me once she gets ahold of me in a bit for putting this up in a public place, but i just want to show her that i still do care about her, but that i also can't keep hoping for a wish that won't ever come true.
scud.
